Maybe it’s in rebellion to the current gloom and doom of our economic situation or maybe it’s just a way of finding some humor in the current slew of presidential campaigning, but my comedic side took over after reading this! Being in the relocation business myself, I began to imagine what the conversation would be like between an out-of-touch new female trainee in relocation and Senator Obama.
For the sake of my warped humor, she doesn’t realise who she’s talking to nor that it’s THE actual White House he’s moving to. Naturally, she starts with the usual line of questions which trained consultants use to find out more about the family and their needs. Let’s pick Obama – just for example’s sake.
“Good morning, Mr Obama. I’m Jane Smith from your new relocation company. I understand you will be relocating your job from Chicago to Washington DC?
Great, well congratulations. You and your family must be very excited. A nice promotion, hopefully. So, part of our service is finding you the right home for you and your family. You have kids? How many? Two? OK, well I have here a very nice home I think you’ll like which will accommodate you perfectly. Hmmm, it actually has a few more rooms than you may need. How many? 132 actually, with 16 guest rooms and 35 bathrooms, so you could have lots of family and friends to stay, something to think about when you’re moving away from home.
And here’s the great news, forget the long commute, Mr Obama – it comes with its own office, I think it’s round or egg-shaped so that’s something novel to look forward to!
You have a two storey-home right now? Well, how does six floors sound? Don’t worry, there are three elevators so you won’t tire yourself out too much! But the stairs would keep you fit, eh?
And what is the square footage of your current home? Really? Well, we often see families having to compromise on space when they move to an expensive area, but you’re in luck- what do you think of 55,000 sq ft?! Yes, you’re right, lots of hoovering, but I think the job may come with a cleaning service so don’t worry the missus too much right now – I’ll look into that.
And do you have any thoughts on color? Sorry, I mean the color of the outside walls. Well, this house is white and it apparently has to stay white for some unknown reason. I know it’s not the most appropriate color – would look grey quite soon with all the pollution if it didn’t get painted too often. Oh wait a minute, I see that the regular repainting of the house exterior is part of the package – that’s good because it takes over 300 gallons of paint to cover it! And I guess it has to stay white because it’s called “The White House” – some imagination, huh? Oh, did I forget that part? Yes, it already has a name, so you can’t just use 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW as your address. But don’t worry, I’m sure the mailman will find you. And we can help you with “Change of Address” cards.
Now, the garden. What size lot do you have right now, Mr Obama? Ahaa. Well, I hope you like gardening because your new backyard covers about 18 acres! A little bigger, huh? Note to self, check on gardener.
And do you or your wife have any outside interests? It probably has an outdoor pool, let me check. Ah yes, a pool AND a tennis court AND a putting green AND a jogging track AND a games room AND a bowling lane AND wow, even an indoor movie theatre. Hey, Mr Obama, can I be your new best friend? Just kidding!!
Darn, I’ve just noticed a small downside to moving into this house. At certain times of the year, you have to let Joe the plumber visit your home and gardens. How many Joe’s? Let me see, – around 2 million a year! Well, that’s the price you pay for having such a nice place. Maybe you and your family can go hang out in Chicago and see old friends when they come around?
So, what do you think, Mr Obama? Sounds like a perfect fit to me. Do you want to check with the wife and kids and get back to me?